You have a lot of hats
but my favorite is how 
easily you fall asleep
how 
quickly
your breath becomes steady and deep

The night is a friend, you seem to say.
Yet I can no longer trust it.
I drown in bed every night
(covered by thoughts)
I wake up thrashing
(attempting to slay my nightmares)
Mornings are better
Nights, especially if one waits,
are the worst.

Nights are still the worst,
even if one is not waiting
for the ball to drop
from the sky or elsewhere.
Some die once. Some die every year.
I die every night
(thrashing and turning
once I turn off the light).